SO SHE's GOT A BOYFRIEND

 

    Once, back in 2016, I had the pleasure of meeting and even briefly entertaining 
Queen Latifah on the set of a hit TV show called Star.  During that same day, I was also blessed to do the same with another very beautiful, yet more ideal woman for me.  This woman and I talked for some time, and naturally, she was certainly aware of my interest in her--that is, sexual interest.  After all the conversation--which was quite pleasant and harmonious--once the gig ended, I was even allowed to walk her to her car where we exchanged phone numbers and decided we would talk again another time.  However, when the next time came, she revealed to me she had a "boyfriend"--and that, sadly was the last time I ever spoke to that seemingly amazing woman.

    I'm ashamed to say it has taken me a full decade. to realize I should have settled for the "friend-zone"--especially with her.  Yet, like most men I wasn't smart enough to simply humbly accept that very important and potentially beneficial spot.  It's as if men sometimes don't thoroughly consider the many positive possibilities associated with the friend-zone.  First of all, we must know that any woman we actually want as much as I seriously wanted the aforementioned woman, is bound to be acquainted with several "boys" she might call "friends".  This way of thinking, of course, should cause us to never really be deterred when she tells us of her "boyfriend".  Certainly a woman has no reason to lie, but she could very well be merely referring to any guy she's generally acquainted with, even slightly more intimately than you, who just happens to be some tough competition--because women, in order to be steps ahead in the game, sometimes think like that.

    Another thing is, a woman's "I have a boyfriend" alert doesn't at all state that she's married.  So naturally, she's still "fair game".  Nevertheless, it is undoubtedly our approach that must be carefully considered and applied.  I personally believe that begins with recognizing that the friend-zone can truly be quite beneficial even if a woman's "boyfriend" happens to actually be a man she's in a monogamous relationship with.  For example, we men must not be reluctant to embrace the fact that most women we have determined to be a good fit for us, who are involved, are likely involved with a guy we might be willing to be friends with.  Yes, as much as our macho nature doesn't intend to benefit in that way, we must acknowledge that it is a benefit nonetheless.

    We men must also know that to women, a good male friend--even one they know is dying to take them to bed--is something they really appreciate.  With certain circumstances, they will not only want to go to bed with that man, but they will also likely swim across the ocean for him as well.  Thus, to actually concentrate on being a good friend is what must be done.  

    Additionally, as a good friend, who not only wants an involved woman for himself, but is also intelligent enough to even seek to be involved with the pair--for the sake of even personally confirming the existence of the "boyfriend"--we must know that this triangular relationship gives us an opportunity to influence two people instead of one.  And certainly many other subsequent benefits come along with this whole process.

    Yet and still, considering all this caused me to also consider the idea of having options as a single person when dating.  Generally, those of us civilized and mature adults are never really putting a "title" on our relationships when we are not married.  We mainly just do what we do, as frequently as we want, with whoever we want to do it with.  However, as civilized and mature adults, we are also honest about the general nature of our relationships with everyone we're involved with because there's no reason to lie, and also because lying only generates negativity that corrodes the peace we have in our lives.

    Furthermore, the woman I meet who tells me she has a boyfriend, but is yet still willing to carry on a relationship with me, as the aforementioned woman was, is simply expanding her options.  I was too "slow" to realize it at the time, but that gorgeous woman I met on the set of Star was simply expressing to me that even though she had a "boyfriend", I was still a man she considered worthy of a personal relationship with her, regardless of the type of relationship she could certainly sense I desired.  Therefore, not only could we talk, and text on the phone, but if she sees that I am really interested in her, even platonically, we might also have lunch.  If her boyfriend calls or texts during lunch, and asks what she's doing, she will comfortably tell him ,"I'm having lunch with Christian".  Yet, here is an important thing to know about the boyfriend's response when learning about "lunch with Christian": The boyfriend's response is primarily always determined by his options.

    I used the word primarily because the person in the boyfriend's position will also certainly respond in a way that reflects the pair's depth of affection for each other, as well as how much they actually desire their significant other to be involved in their lives.  Nevertheless, generally, regardless what anyone says, it's mainly about options.  Proof:  when my friend who is a girl tells her boyfriend she's having lunch with Christian who is man, generally, my friend's boyfriend won't say anything but, "Enjoy your lunch", if he's got other desirable female options.  But if he lacks other options and has put all his eggs that one basket, he will likely reveal his irritation or dissatisfaction about "lunch with Christian".

    Moreover, about the friend-zone: Other than many possible benefits, that position is also one that is endearing--and because of that, those of us men who will humbly accept friendship with the classic lady, will nearly be just as important to her as her boyfriend.  How?  You might ask.  It could simply be by the powerful effect of one catchy line of a Beyonce song.  As a friend--a good one, that is--a man ought to be smart enough to maintain thorough awareness of his friend's relationship with her boyfriend.  This then allows him the perfect vantage point to take advantage of the perfect time to surprise his good friend with a most romantic proposal of his own, thereby adhering to Beyonce's very popular advice--"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".